Merry Listmas! (I know, comedy GOLD)

Well, the festive season is finally upon us, and what better way to spend my long, snowed-in  holidays than by running up a list of my favourite Christmas simple pleasures?

1. The smell of the Christmas tree
Nothing beats walking into a room and smelling pure, unbridled CHRISTMAS. I noticed the other day that you can get air-fresheners in  'festive scents' like this. This is surely for people who a) have an artificial Christmas tree and make a sneaky effort to pretend it's real or b) want it to be Christmas every day. But even I would not purchase Christmas tree flavoured air freshener in an attempt to fit into either  category-it screams desperation.

2.  Real Christmas trees
None of this "Oh but I hate how it drops needles all over the carpet, an artificial tree looks just as good and is so practical" rubbish. Also, Christmas trees should be green. Not white, not  pink, and especially not 'sophisicated black with moody silver undertones'.
If you are the (shameful) owner of one of these, I apologise. I am a traditionalist at heart.

3. Slightly tacky Christmas decorations
Going through the decoration box on Friday, my sister and I discovered remnants of my parents' awful taste. I think the best one is a scrawny green tinsel garland with tiny shiny red holly leaves and a big red bauble in the middle. Trust me, it's hideous. My mum has finally admitted defeat and banned it.
When I was younger, the highlight of this time of year was driving back from school in the dark and seeing 'The Gingerbread House', which was, funnily enough, not made out of biscuits, but an actual house covered in what must've surely been the world's entire supply of Christmas lights. Giant sleighs, flashing bells, blow-up snowmen...you name it, they had it. In an attempt to be the Christmassy-est, they managed to make their house look like it had survived some sort of fairy-light tsunami. To my horror, those owners must have moved because now The Gingerbread House is no more! Cry.

4. Christmas Biscuits
I made these for a Secret Santa present...and ended up eating half. But they are so delicious. You know the ones I mean, with the boiled sweet in the middle? I left out the sweets, to get a massive spice-fest. Mmmmmmm :) In French we also had German (yes, I know, but I don't think LIDL go in for French cuisine) special biscuits. I now find out the are actually called Lebkuchen, but I  like to think of them as "those gingery-chocolately-buttery" things. If you happen to be in LIDL, or indeed any other non-German biased supermarket, try some. You won't regret it.

5. Carol Singing.
Abby invited me to go carol singing this year with people from the Scott's Project, who work with adults with learning disabilities. On turning up at the pub in the blizzard, I was promptly issued with a festive hat, a folder of words, a tambourine and I was all set. We made what can only be described as a joyful din, but very joyful and festive it was too. Never have I felt so Christmassy as when I was belting out Little Donkey for the third time, shaking my tambourine, surrounded by others doing exactly the same to half bemused, half appreciative diners. It also gave me the opportunity to meet my apparent Number One Fan (Hi, Elaine), who also bought me a lemonade, so thank you very much! A true simple pleasure :)

6. Christmas cards from people you never, ever see
I  have a large extended family, with lots of complicated second-cousin once removed-s, adoptive second cousins and fake aunties and uncles. My parents also have a whole multitude of university friends who only get in contact at Christmas. This of course, gives way to SO many mistakes. There is one Canadian relative of some sort, who each year without fail addresses her card to "Katharine, Rodney, Katie and Elizabeth." Those of you who know my family will notice the many, many errors in this. For starters, there is no Elizabeth in my house. Last time I checked it was my middle name, not a mysterious second sister. My mother is called Kathryn, (note the spelling Canadian lady!) and I am Katie (not Kathryn Junior), which also creates a plethora of spelling/mother-daughter name confusion opportunities. Those who opt for the slightly safe but still personal option go for 'Kathryn, Rod and the girls'. Confirms you know the parents' names, and know they have...a certain number of daughters, but without specifics. Safe. I advise people with no clue at all togo for 'To, all of you' to avoid embarrassment.

7. Round Robin Letters
It's always good to hear everyone's news at Christmas, but some families take it to extremes, hopelessly exaggerating their little darlings' signs of brilliance. "Not one to follow the crowd, this year, Alfred has taken up the accordion and made an appearance in the Junior School Christmas Nativity play which can only be described as Oscar-worthy. There was not a dry eye in the house as Innkeeper 2 spoke his one line with an amazing level of sensitivity and maturity"
Nothing makes me laugh more than the family who try to create the ultimate Christmas family newsletters. Every year for a long time we got one family who must have forced their middle son to write a rhyming, may I point out, poem describing what they'd got up to in the year. They certainly got points for originality.

8. Christmas stamps
You know it's nearly Christmas when the shops start selling festive stamps. I believe this year's offering feature Wallace and Grommit. YES! The best thing is when you receive non-Christmas serious letters with a Christmas comedy stamp. Or, be like one of my relations and make your own stamps with pictures of your grandchildren pulling horrendous faces. Just a suggestion.


9. Advent Calendars
My family has never gone in for the chocolate variety so my sister and I get our excitement from putting on the characters onto our wooden one. WOAH. No seriously, it's great.  No one ever gets what it is when it's not full, and I've never seen anything like it, so here is a picture of how it stands at the moment.

Basically, you put on a shepherd, a cow, an angel etc each day and eventually create a nice nativity scene. The only issue is that they all tend to fall off rather dramatically when you even so much as breathe on it.

10. Watching rubbish Christmas telly
A family tradition in my house is to spend the run up to Christmas slobbing around, cooking, eating and watching horrendous films with a blanket on the sofa. Last year I think my mum and I watched Jump In! It's awful, don't watch it. It's like High School Musical but with, wait for it, skipping. Bad times. But it didn't matter, it was a bonding experience.


That's the end of my list, but before I go back to my roots in York to spend Christmas en famille, I'd like to take the opportunity to say a massive thank you for all your views and lovely messages this year. I will soon be writing for Kent Online (http://blogs.kentonline.co.uk), which I  never would have even considered without you. Who knows, maybe this is the start of great things?

Have a very Merry Christmas and all the best for 2011. 

See you soon!
Katie xxx