The Train.

Aaah the train. A convenient way to get to work, a fast way to visit friends...aaaaand a hell-hole at 16.01 on weekday afternoons.
The school train is something which every angry commuter should experience. Marvel at the creative use of hair gel! Inhale the sweet, sweet perfume of feet and Lynx! Enjoy an exciting journey in a carriage packed with pubescent boys throwing things! Pity the small child tricked into getting on  a train which bypasses his station! Still think the bleary-eyed businessmen on the 7.30 to Charing Cross are bad, hmmm?
It always seems to happen that I'm on my own on the way home from school. Whilst some may say this is social suicide, I prefer to think of it as an opportunity to people-watch. Perhaps my favourite quote of ALL TIME comes from the train home. Picture the scene: You're about 14, you haven't got a girlfriend, who are you going to blame? Your inability to string a sentence together without grunting? Neglecting to use deodorant? Do be serious, it's Him Upstairs who's at fault here. The conversation went a bit like this:
Boy: "Mate, I fink God wants me to be gay."
His Mate: "Mate, why?"
Boy: "Coz dere's no one buff my age maaaan!"

Now, in my opinion anyone using the word 'buff' seriously, indeed, anyone using the word 'buff' at all should be publicly ridiculed (think, the stocks), but this is just one every day example of the horrors, and hilarity, of the train.
Another  thing which I have observed is the inner beast inside every small boy. A ten minute journey home frequently resembles a re-enactment of 'Lord of the Flies'. There are several potential Jacks disguised in blazers and ties, and many an unfortunate Piggy, ready to be trapped in the doors, shoved out at the station or simply be sat on all the way home. I am often genuinely scared for the future of the world.
Still, here's hoping they grow out of it!